Sunday, October 16, 2016

The Way To Bleed

You know there are million ways to bleed but you are by far my favorite. I always wish you were here, I am there, I wish it was different.. I wish your wishes come true, I wish wishes do come true. I'd wish you back. You are my favorite scar. I know it's selfish for me to say but please don't leave me. I will do my best to live. I promise.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

My Happy Ending

People always ask me why I like romantic comedies so much. Its because even under extraordinary circumstances, the right two people can end up together. – Mindy Kaling
I know it’s cliche. I know it is. But I really love romantic comedies. I like the cheesiness that usually comes with them, the campy flavor, the impossible win at the end for our favorite hero or heroine, and of course, the meet cute.
There are weekends when I’ll just decide instead of going out, I’m going to lay on my sofa and just partake in the wonderment of these stories. I laugh with them, I cry with them, heck – I even try to will the main characters into not making that big mistake I know will make their journey to happiness longer (but of course it wouldn’t be a movie without it).
Let’s think about some of the more famous ones that have come out: in those, you’ve had people end up together despite living in a different country, despite a love-hate relationship at work, despite the fact that the woman was engaged to someone else (who of course, she didn’t truly love), despite onset Alzheimer’s, despite an initial betrayal, despite the fact that they didn’t like each other when they first met, and despite the fact that they thought they were just friends. Talk about extraordinary circumstances, right?!
But the beautiful thing about romantic comedies is that while they let those circumstances play out (kind of how they do in our own lives), you still know that THOSE two people are going to be together before the credits roll. You get to smile at the end and bask in things working out for someone (even if it’s a fictional someone) and also imagine your own happy ending.
I guess what I’m saying is that I finally realized one of the biggest reasons I love romantic comedies is because they give me hope. They remind me to keep believing in happy endings, that despite how things look and despite whatever “extraordinary” circumstances I may encounter, whoever I’m supposed to end up with will still be there.

Perfect love, wrong timing, right reason, wrong ways, if you give everything for someone you love, it's always a happy ending and I think I just found my soulmate. ---MHBTR

Forgive Me

Things matter even when you think they don't. They matter when you’re thinking about something else. Things are important when they’re not obvious, when they’re subtle, like the curve of a lip. They’re important in the spaces that most of us miss.

Because we don't know what matters until it passes us by. Until it's too late to grab it, hold it and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't know this mattered. I didn't know it was important."

You will say that the time for anger is now, that we have not been angry enough, that not being angry enough is the problem, and I understand that you have every right to be angry and I am angry for you.

And yet somehow, you and I must turn the anger into love. We must turn the black cloud of hate into light. We must turn war into peace. We must turn clenched fists into open hands. We must only perform miracles.

I am kept awake not only by the people that I hurt, whether on purpose or accidentally, I am kept awake by everyone I hurt unknowingly, who might still be hurt.
This is the hardest thing: You can never know how many people you hurt, just by being you.


Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Colours of What We Have

When you have done the things you've done.
When I tell you I'll meet you at the door, and you tell me you're sorry. That I have no reason left to worry.
When you hit the ground in a most peculiar way, and I tell you to wait and you tell me I'll be sorry. That you have no reason left to worry. 

When I am more than you can take, just give me back.

If you're tired of trying to fall asleep, sleep on it and try again tomorrow.
If you're all out of promises, I have one left for you: The Earth is still here as long as you're alive.
If you want to yell out your frustrations, I'll understand, just understand that the whole world is screaming, mostly complaining about the noise.

If you're worried about having the poetry knocked out of you of you when you're older, don't. Old blood bleeds as good as new.
If you've got nothing left to feel, just think of me and please do not walk away.

If there's anything else, let me know.

-russ d' great

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Bits and Pieces of What We Have

I believe we will be friends, that's a fact.

First, I will tell you something about me, then you can tell me something about you, as that, I believe, is how friendship works.

Here is something I believe: I believe that people don't know how people work when they're young and maybe that's why we're so reckless with each other when we're young.

I think people think that people come and go, in and out of life and I think that school teaches them that, that life changes in big annual movements, that one year you're this and the next, you're that. But life blends into itself as you get older and you realise, you will watch a few, if not many, of your friends get old.

You will watch them lose their minds and their hair. You will watch them get sick and get better. You will watch them succeed and fail. You will watch them get married, get divorced, get pregnant and yes, eventually, you will watch them die. Or they will watch you die.

So this is what I believe friendship means. And I'm sorry to have to put such a heavy burden on you. But you have put the same burden on me. But I like how everything works at this moment. 

Now you can tell me something you believe, as it is your turn, and this is how friendship works.


Sunday, April 10, 2016

The Distance To Everything


If it doesn't happen magically happen overnight, then you might want to try doing it manually, everyday.


You told me it'd be okay. But you were the one crying.
You told me to let go. But you were the one holding onto my shit.


And you keep whispering the same story to yourself "I'll be unhappy now because because that'll make me happy later. Because that's how a story works." So your happiness will always happen later, never now. Life isn't a story. Life is chaos.


I didn't miss you now. I miss you then. 
Standing on the edge of the water, I looked out towards a land I could not see. Somehow, I knew you were doing the same. Thinking of me. Thinking of you. 


You can walk into a room and spot them. they seem fine when you talk to them but every now and again, across the room, you catch them looking off into the distance at an invisible point that maybe, they once reached.

They laugh a little different. they hesitate a little more. Now they know what it feels like. And something about their eyes when they listen to music says "Turn it up until my ears bleed. Let it be the last thing I hear."


Sunday, March 20, 2016

The Internet And The Ghost Friend

I used to carve your name on trees hoping you would find them. The Internet has made this so much easier than it used to be.

I saw your face online a long time ago, and I had no idea who you were.  But you had something about your eyes that made me click. It’s so hard to keep up with you, I waited for so long when you finally decided to click that accept button. It opened a door for me to keep track of what you’re up to. Thanks for updating once in a while.

Your life seems so interesting, even if you’re not a celebrity or anything. It’s just nice to watch someone else’s life from a distance and care for them secretly. But sometimes I wish I could just grab a taxi and visit your home directly, or get a job at a store near you and try to accidentally meet you there somehow.

Yeah, I know that sounds creepy but you deserve to see the face of a secret friend. You have unique fractures along your heart and I have mine. And maybe there is nothing, anywhere that doesn’t break someone’s heart. But believe me it’s not us my ever loved Ghost Friend.


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

The Night and The Return To Green

♪♫Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too.
So I stayed in the darkness with you...♪♫

Oh, shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but you still choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad.

The blackest night will fall and I will be gone like the sun. But in the darkness, you will find something more important than me, more important than the moon and the stars. You will find yourself, deep in that ink.

The sky will lift you up like the moon, to bring light to a landscape starved of it. Then I will chase you and you will chase me, in the hope that one day we will find each other again.

So you might as well smile while you’re here.

Because when that day comes, it's either we will cast our light or we’ll stay in the darkness, together…


Sunday, March 13, 2016

The Waiting Room: Telling of Something Beautiful

Wait. But don't wait too long. Work hard. But don't forget how to play. Sing loudly. But don't learn all the words. Wonder. But not so much that you lose yourself. Read magazines. But read more books.

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That, that doesn’t make any of it any less real. 

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. 

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead. 

That you control that completely. 

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music. 

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends. 

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living. 

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. 

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.


Wednesday, March 9, 2016

The Silly Things I Need To Hear

Sometimes people you like, won’t like you.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes, everyone around you will talk about all the incredibly cool things they’re busy doing and you will have very little to talk about yourself.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes you’ll wake up and you’ll just be sore for no real reason.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes you won’t know what to do and people would say “I’d kill to have your problems!” and that won’t magically and suddenly stop them from being problems.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes, I’m saying it to you because I hope that one day; you’ll be able to say it to me.

That’s Ok.


Monday, March 7, 2016

Pursue, Not Pedestalize

This is one of my favorite scenes in the series. During Seaon 1 Episode 6, Claire visits her and Francis' former secret service bodyguard who is dying of cancer and receives a deathbed profession of love.

Bodyguard Steve: I hate your husband.
Claire Underwood: A lot of people hate my husband.
Bodyguard Steve: For the past 8 years, I watched over him but it wasn't him I was watching. Jesus what I would give. . . 
Claire Underwood: You know what Francis said to me when he proposed, I remember his exact words. He said, 

"Claire, if all you want is happiness, say no. I'm not going to give a couple of kids, and count the days until retirement. I promise you freedom from that. I promise you'll never be bored." 

"You know he was the only man, and there were a lot of others who proposed, he was the only one who understood me. He didn't put me on some pedestal.

He knew I didn't want to be adore or coddled, so he took my hand and put on a ring on it because he knew I'd say yes. He's a man who knows how to take what he wants. You told me your truth and now you know mine."

At that point, she does something that solidifies her bid for entry into the Alpha female hall of fame. Francis and Claire are THE power couple. Women don't want to be pedestalized

Pedestalization is objectification. And elevating someone's status inappropriately is idolatry. Claire didn't want to be another man's idol. That's the temptation of the male heart - to make women an idol

Francis was looking for a partner to pursue his plan of world White House domination and he found what he was looking for.

LORD, help me live fully in this kind of courage and conviction.


Saturday, February 27, 2016

The Error of Parallax

The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then. 

I can't stand listening to this music when I type this. I am not typing, I am shouting at you! But the rules of conduct and playing the game means I can't do that. Tables are turned now. I can't even say anything. In a last effort to save some face I can't even sms. I wish I could take some of them back before.

You've made a fool of me, just as I am sure you've done many times before with many girls. Undeserving! I replayed it on my mind and I can't understand why? I suppose this is a frequently asked question but it's not one I am used to asking. Am I not enough? 

I checked my mail constantly. I knew I shouldn't and I felt even more defeated with every empty inbox. You did nothing. You didn't do anything. I didn't understand? If you didn't do what you do, I would be enough. But because of this world and you in it, I am not enough. I didn't understand.

I never hated you, though I was blindingly angry with you for a time.

I'm not angry with you any longer, though you were judgmental and cruel in ways which were crystalline in their ingenuity. I can't even imagine how you've lived through the years after you abandoned me and said that you no longer loved me.

Because of that, the years we've spent happily together just banished together with those good memories we made. Then I stopped wishing that I could spend any more time with you. It also stopped me from thinking that you're a kind person because I felt that you've been terribly unkind to me.

But. I still love you, yes I do, not the same way as before but I know I can't hate you forever. This love will always remain in my heart in spite of all of that heartaches you gave me. But you're wrong, you know  when you said that "love is not 'only a two-way street', otherwise it isn't love." Because I'm all alone here on this infinite one-way street but I know what I feel.

Thanks for that liberating talk we had. 

-russ d'great-

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Baliwan 101

Sa pagiging distress lagi sa buhay, minsan na e'inspire tuloy ako na sana maging baliw na lang. Feeling ko kasi wala na silang feelings, tila wala na rin silang kapagoran kakalakad kahit saan, parang hindi na rin sila na gugutom---at kung gutom man unli naman pagkain nila sa daan...weeeheee... =)

Bilib rin ako sa confidence nila. Wala silang pakialam anuman sabihin ng mga tao sa kanila, wala silang pakialam sa pamatay amoy nila, sa damit nila, sa buhok, sa paa, sa langaw, sa dumi, sa matraffic na daan, sa lubak na kalsada, global warming, baha, mahal na bill ng kuryente, internet, cell phone load, bigas, leptospirosis, kung corrupt nga ba si binay, kung mananalo nga ba si duterte, kung bakit may FB at IG na, o sa 1D kung nagkawatak-watak man sila....Ang sa kanila lang----ay ewan ko ba...

Sa tingin ko ang lakas rin ng immune system nila-----kasi kahit palaboy-laboy sila sa daan---under the sun at biglaang ulan-----never ko pa silang napansing umuubo o nagkasipon man lang... O diba? para silang mga zombie...pero di lang nanganga-in ng tao---nambabato lang, nangdudura, nangangaway, nanghihingi, at kung anu-ano pa...Pero bilib rin ako sa mga normal na tao dahil okay lang din sa kanila---kumbaga normal lang sa kanila....O dibah? gusto ko na talaga maging baliw.....wala rin kasi silang pakialam sa mundo....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!!!

Sabi nga ni Paulo Coelho sa librong sinulat nya "If one day I could get out of here, I would allow myself to be crazy. Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to.” 

Di ko masyado matranslate pero isa lang ibig sabihin nyan na baliw man sila eh normal din sila sa sarili nilang mundo..mas ok na yun kaysa maging pabigat ka o pasaway ka sa gobyerno at wala kang naitulong sa ekonomiya. Charot! 

baliw na rin siguro ako sa ka-iisip nito...hehehe 

salamat sa pagdaan,

russ d'great

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Veronika Decides To Die: A Short Rundown

As a fan of Paulo Coelho’s much-celebrated and classic book, The Alchemist, I stumbled upon Veronika Decides to Die through a  good friend's recommendation and was intrigued by the topic of the book and the major questions it asks about life and death. 

Inspired by events from his past, Coelho tells the story of Veronika, who seems to have everything in life that most people would envy and consider fulfilling, but who nonetheless feels dissatisfied and makes a decision to end her life by overdosing on sleeping pills.

Veronika, who attempts suicide, fails, is institutionalized, and is informed that her attempted suicide damaged her heart and she has only five days to live. In the hospital she has to come to grips with what it means to be dying, but also what it means to be insane.

“Decides” is the key word in the title of this book: Coelho weaves his storytelling around the major, life-altering decisions that the central characters—the protagonist and those with whom she interacts in the mental hospital—must ponder when they learn of her imminent death. 

With her days numbered, Veronika goes on a journey of self-discovery that makes her contemplate her original reasons for wanting to die as well as the meaning of life as a whole. 

Readers join Veronika in her self-discovery quest by inquiring what they themselves would do if they were to learn that the ends of their lives were happening in a matter of days, rather than in the several years ahead, which many people hope for.

In the end Veronika finds that she is truly free. She seems to have everything at the beginning of the story: a job, boyfriends, and popularity. However, they're those things that enslave her, and that’s what leads to the attempted suicide. 

In a way, Veronika is doubly freed. She is free because she is dying, and what can one do to a dying person. Second, she has been labeled crazy, and, having such a label, people expect her to act oddly. She has the freedom to do those things she has been too frightened to do all her life.

Thoughts About The Author 

Veronika Decides to Die made me fall in love even more with Coelho’s writing style, because he seamlessly introduces to the reader a vast expanse of topics revolving around spirituality and psychology. The writing resembles that of a teacher who gently instructs his students without acting like a pretentious know-it-all trying to force people to believe everything he teaches.

It offers food for thought rather than preachy absolute truths. As readers are engrossed in an engaging story that keeps them asking, “What will Veronika (and others) decide next?”, Coelho is a master at allowing his audience to absorb any new information without making them feel dumb for never having thought of or known about it before.

This book is not something to read once and then completely forget. It is meant to be one of those books in which the topics on psychology and spirituality make you want to do more research and reading in order to understand better the concepts being questioned.

Also, the events and characters in this book are bound to linger in readers’ thoughts well after the book is finished, simply because it will make them wonder about the exact meanings of their own lives, especially if the ends of their lives were happening a lot sooner than they expected. 

I’d recommend this book. It’s short, readable, and offers clear food for thought.

thanks for reading,

russ d'great

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Prose in Motion: To A Friend Whom I Loved In Many Ways

"Finding love is like finding a friend, a person whom you can join in with your weirdness." Matt Haigg, Reasons To Be Alive

I love you with a kind of love that is terrified. Terrified at the thought of losing you. Losing you to the distance that separates. But worst of all, terrified at the thought of losing you as a friend.

I love you with a kind of love that is regretful. Regretful of the words that might escape my mouth. Words that escape in times of anger, words that escape in times of hurt, words that I would not have meant, and yet still did utter.

I love you with a kind of love that is afraid. Afraid for the moments where I will fall short to give you comfort in a way that you can feel. Afraid for the times when I will be incapable of listening and responding in a way that you feel understood.

I love you with a kind of love that is easily angered. Angered at the idea of anyone ever hurting you. Angered at the knowledge that I can do nothing about it. Angered at the fact that sometimes I am the cause of it.

I love you with a kind of love that is proud. Proud of all that you want to accomplish. Proud of how you overcome circumstances day after day, despite how difficult it may be. But mostly, I love you with a kind of love that is proud of simply who you are.

I love you with a kind of love that is anxious. Anxious to when will I ever see your smile and hear your laugh. More often than not, I just am anxious to know how you are, and to know that you are doing all right.

I love you with a kind of love that is full. The kind of love so full that nothing that you can ever say or do will make me care less. A fullness that overflows that even when things are tough, it overpowers the pain.

I love you with a kind of love that is content. Content because I have never felt more joy knowing that you're there ready to listen and piss me off when I'm in my worst mood. 

~thanks for reading
russ d'great

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Star Wars: The Force Awakens, A Short Review

Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy and only a rag-tag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of the Resistance.
I’ll start by saying that if you are a Star Wars fan and a bit worried that this film will somehow ruin the legacy of the originals I want to tell you that you have nothing to worry about. This film stayed true to the “Star Wars feel”, the original “Star Wars feel”, and honestly made me fall in love with the franchise all over again.
I was worried that the movie would feel rushed or contain nothing but back story to catch us up on what had happened in the 30 years since Return of the Jedi but those worries were soon put to rest. 
There actually wasn’t much back story given at all but what given was delivered well. I never felt lost or like I was missing something. The plot flowed smoothly and I felt I both understood what was happening and why.
It’s true. All of it. The Dark Side, the Jedi. They’re real.
It was great to see some of the old characters back at it and it was refreshing to see they weren’t just there for gimmicks and nostalgic value, they actually contributed to the plot. The new characters were great too. They felt real and believable in this universe and you felt for them throughout the film.
What I loved most was the emotional roller coaster The Force Awakens stakes you on. The film has it’s happy moments, and some incredibly sad ones too. The film brings up strong sentimental feelings and makes you laugh, a lot! It’s intense and you will want to stand up and cheer with every victory. It wasn’t all light-sabers and stuff blowing up. It was full of feelings.
All-in-all I loved it and if you are debating whether it will be worth it I can tell you the answer is yes! Go see it and let it remind you why so many people are dedicated to this franchise.
There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it? The Dark side, and the Light.
Thanks for reading,

russ d' great