Have you ever heard the phrase, "you always hurt the one you love?" It's so true isn't it? You may not mean to, but at some point, you may do something, or not do something, that your significant other is hurt by. The opposite is also true. As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes end because of this fact.
How to Handle the Pain Love Brings You
If you are in a healthy relationship, the hurt was unintentional. It is important to realize that your loved one didn't plan on causing you pain. Try to see the situation from their perspective. You should try to calm your emotions down, and then talk to them about what they were thinking, or why they did what they did, or said what they said. Be willing to see it their way. Once you hear them out, they will be more willing to hear you out. Explain how you perceived what they said or did, and why you felt hurt by it.
You might not be able to communicate this right away. You should wait until an appropriate time, when you are not clouded with emotion. This is easier said than done, but it can be at least be done. Waiting can help you avoid saying things that you don't mean because you are hurt and angry. Get it off of your chest by talking it out or writing a brief note or email. Don't just hold a grudge, because it will only hurt you more.
What to Do When Your Loved One Feels Hurt
The most important things that you can do is listen. Showing that you care about their feelings is essential to helping them to heal quickly. You might not understand why they are hurt initially, because you didn't mean to hurt them. Make an effort to see it from their perspective, and try to help them understand your intentions better. Communicate to them that you do care about their feelings.
Apologize if you did something wrong. Make a sincere effort to acknowledge that you could have done things differently, and express plans to avoid that kind of thing in the future. Make it clear that you didn't mean to hurt them, and that you want to avoid doing it again.
What Not To Do
If you feel hurt, don't:
-yell
-try to get revenge or make them pay
-hold a grudge
-demand an apology
-insist that you are right
If your loved on is hurt, don't:
-disregard their feelings as silly
-say you're sorry unless you actually mean it
-pretend to understand
-insist that you are right
Ultimately, clear and honest communication can help heal the hurt. Be willing both to listen and to talk. If forgiveness, care, and understanding are working parts of your relationship, there won't be that much pain. You will enjoy a long lasting and healthy relationship that is true to life.
russ d'great
