Thursday, January 27, 2011

love hurts...

It is difficult to imagine that the one you have such strong feelings for could ever hurt you. It is also hard to imagine that you could ever cause the one you love pain, especially when everything is so new. The beginning is always sweet and nice, but sooner or later something less than perfect happens, and one of you gets hurt.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you always hurt the one you love?" It's so true isn't it? You may not mean to, but at some point, you may do something, or not do something, that your significant other is hurt by. The opposite is also true. As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes end because of this fact.


How to Handle the Pain Love Brings You


If you are in a healthy relationship, the hurt was unintentional. It is important to realize that your loved one didn't plan on causing you pain. Try to see the situation from their perspective. You should try to calm your emotions down, and then talk to them about what they were thinking, or why they did what they did, or said what they said. Be willing to see it their way. Once you hear them out, they will be more willing to hear you out. Explain how you perceived what they said or did, and why you felt hurt by it.


You might not be able to communicate this right away. You should wait until an appropriate time, when you are not clouded with emotion. This is easier said than done, but it can be at least be done. Waiting can help you avoid saying things that you don't mean because you are hurt and angry. Get it off of your chest by talking it out or writing a brief note or email. Don't just hold a grudge, because it will only hurt you more.


What to Do When Your Loved One Feels Hurt


The most important things that you can do is listen. Showing that you care about their feelings is essential to helping them to heal quickly. You might not understand why they are hurt initially, because you didn't mean to hurt them. Make an effort to see it from their perspective, and try to help them understand your intentions better. Communicate to them that you do care about their feelings.


Apologize if you did something wrong. Make a sincere effort to acknowledge that you could have done things differently, and express plans to avoid that kind of thing in the future. Make it clear that you didn't mean to hurt them, and that you want to avoid doing it again.


What Not To Do


If you feel hurt, don't:

-yell
-try to get revenge or make them pay
-hold a grudge
-demand an apology
-insist that you are right

If your loved on is hurt, don't:

-disregard their feelings as silly
-say you're sorry unless you actually mean it
-pretend to understand
-insist that you are right

Ultimately, clear and honest communication can help heal the hurt. Be willing both to listen and to talk. If forgiveness, care, and understanding are working parts of your relationship, there won't be that much pain. You will enjoy a long lasting and healthy relationship that is true to life. 

russ d'great 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

sorry! wrong sent po...

ang saya ng araw na 'to..sobra.. hahaha...

ganito kasi un... monday pa lang nagugulo na kami ni arjay dahil dun sa bagong pinalabas ng PCHC (Philippine central clearing house) tungkol sa pagpupundo ng checks.. blahblahblah.. etc..etc.. kaya dapat may maiwan samin hanggang 8:30 ng gabi, xmpre overtime un, ano sila siniswerte? xmpre dagdag trabaho, nakakainis lalo sa mga pasaway na kliyente.. ganun kaya mejo nakakapagod..  sige ganun na yan sinabi ko lang kinwento ko lang para malaman nyo na prang sabog sabog talaga kami ngayong week na 'to,  ni hindi pa nga nag.iisang linggo nangangalahati palang.. 

kahit ganun ang  araw araw ko sa opis eh energetic pa din ako, nakikipagtawanan, nakikipagkwentuhan lalo na  pag umaga sa mga oras na tumatambay ang mga teller sa likod sa pwesto namin habang nghihintay sila ng oras, meron akong isang ka opisina na mahilig mgkwento, ng ganito ganyan, masaya sya, napipikon sya, nalulungkot sya, naiiyak sya, lahat ng masalimuot at masasayng araw sa buhay nya ay alam ko, at ngayong araw na 'to ay isa sa pinakamasalimuot na araw sa buhay nya.. na experience mo na bang ma wrong send literally? malamang oo pero siguro hindi ganun kasama na  mga tx message.. itong nangyari sa amin kanina eh alam kong ngyari  na sa iba pero iba talaga kapag anjan na sa harap mo, biruin nyo ba naman ngkukukwentuhan na kami.. blahblahblah... nasipan nya pang etx ako, di ko alam bakit ayaw nalang nyang e vocalized siguro iniisip nya na baka may makarinig maging issue pa un tuloy nging issue talaga.. ganito kasi un dapat ang tx message nya na "napipikon nako kay juana" ( juana: gawa gawang pangalan lamang) na para sa akin sana ay na etx nya kay juana mismo.. ang malas diba? pero wala na nasend na , di ko naman xa masisi kasi malaki naman talaga ang kasalanan ni juana sa kanya.. as in malaking malaki.. dapat di lang un ang sbihin nya sa harap ni juana para matauhan pero xmpre may respeto sya sa tao at hindi xa confrontational kaya un kinabahan xa. tapos ngayon tanungin nyo ko kung anong nangyari? xmpre palalampasin ba ni juana un? tanungin nyo nalang ako, e message nyo ko o ano kasi di ko na sasabihin dito xmpre...hahahaha

ang lesson learned lang dito wag ma wrong send..hahaha.. un lang talaga masasabi ko..tangina un lang natutunan ko hahaha...., kung may ettx kau siguraduhing dun sa pinagtutuuan nyo ng tx e send at wag dun sa taong iniisip nyo baka mangyari sa inyo yan. haha.. buti nalang matalino at wais ang kaibigangn kong un.. napapagod nako pero tatapusin ko pa ngayong gabi ung CRUEL INTENTIONS tsaka KILLERS na nakasave sa netbook ko. .. sana may mgyaya sa byernes tsaka sabado para mawala boredome ko. at para sa  aking kabutihan ay at last nakapagpalit nako ng number , ung smart number ko, xmpre nagpadala naman ako ng notice dun sa mga ngttx sa akin, kaya please lang ha wag kaung ma wrong send.. hahaha. . as in nagawa ko na rin at last dahil sa determinasyon kong umayos buhay ko siguro.. hahaha..biruin nyo ibig sabihin number lang naging magulo buhay ko na talaga namang magulo kaya nga ng-rereassemble eh.. bagong experience ulet bukas..  hahahaha.. adieu.

salamat sa pagtangkilik...
russ d'great

Sunday, January 23, 2011

k-zone...

How come they've conquered the international market?

Korean artists (tv, movie and music), for me are really great trendsetters and they probably have worked hard just to spread the what so called korean wave. How can I forget the time when they conquer the Philippines's small screen through their well-loved korean novelas, I cannot forget the very first korean novela that captured my attention it was first installment of the endless love collection, I then had become a very big fan of Song Hye Kyo, who could forgot that beautiful face, that series didn't become interesting because the cast have really beautiful faces but the story catches the attention of many, it was a story that is very Filipino-like. It talks about falling in love and the sacrifices of love. That was the first time I fell in love with Korean dramas.




Afterwards, the second installment of endless love collection, Winter Sonata which starred Choi Ji Woo and Bae Yong Joon, this drama is also wonderful to watch. They captured the hearts of many Filipinos, and the two main character's acting was not that bad at all. It seems to me that Korean drama was really getting popular in our country. I admit, that time I am excited to watch Koreans in the small screen more than Filipinos.




Here comes the drama that really made me cry from beginning to end. This was the drama that Kwong Sang Woo became a very familiar name in the Philippines, and how can I miss this when this is the very first role that introduced my favorite korean actress in the business, I'm talking about Kim Tae Hee, she was noticed by viewers in this drama because of her villain role. The beautiful Kim Tae Hee made her role so effective that she had two other dramas then that was aired here, Forbidden Love whom she starred opposite Adrian Lee and Love Story in Harvard which she starred opposite Kim Rae Won. During that time the Korean drama fever intensified even more.


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Those are one of my many favorite korean dramas and to top it all, how can I miss the most-watched of them all I believe, It was through this dramas that korean wave really spread internationally, I'm talking about Daejanggeum or Jewel in the Palace here, which starred Lee Young Ae and Full House, which starred the international singer Rain together with Song Hye Kyo, two different dramas. Daejanggeum is more of korean history in cooking and medicine, while Full House is a modern dramedy. Through Daejanggeum Lee Young Ae's fanbase reaches to different Asian Countries and received many commendations, awards and good critics in this drama, it is also through this drama that she was invited in the 2006 Berlin Film Festival as one of the Juries, amazing isn't it. Meanwhile, Full House was the very first korean drama that reaches 60% of the rating on it final episode. It was because of this two popular k-drama that our very own Jessica Soho here in the Philippines went to Singapore to ask for a short interview with Lee Young Ae during her LG press conference, and she also did went to Korea, to the place where Full House was filmed to interview the main cast, Rain and Song Hye Kyo.



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I've been a witness on how korean wave dominated us for the past few years, and here comes another domination the k-pop or also known as korean pop, these are songs that are korean made but clicked the here in the Philippines and all over Asia and even the U.S. When you conquer it's way cool but when you conquer the U.S. it's way too cooler, and k-pop had done it, recently the girl group who sing the very popular song Nobody was chosen by the Jonas Brothers to open for their concert in the U.S. and in Europe. Eventually an english version of the song was created so others could go along with the cool and upbeat melody. I can say that it's a success to be chosen by a highly profiled boy band in the U.S. to open for their tour, so Kudos to them.


They really captured many of the Filipino's hearts, no wonder when Sandara Park joined the reality TV search Star Circle Quest, she captured the hearts of many and won, but unfortunately her career here did not rise that high, but her name is very popular now in Korea because she's cast to be one of the member of the new girl group called 2NE1 and since their debut in May 2009, they've been the talk of the town, and their songs reached number 1 in the korean charts. So way to go girls.




Rain, I know, I'm not talking about the season. I'm talking about the popstar which captured the hearts of Asia as well as the world. He was even noticed by the foxy lady Megan Fox for his sexiness. Indeed Rain had been a through for his career and he deserves everything he enjoyed right now. I mean I really don't know him personally but I can tell that he really worked hard, he's done hollywood movies and he's on his half way to promoting his upcoming movie the Ninja Assasin and everybody around the world really love him so that's it. He's my favorite.

Needless to that korean's showbusiness is really a serious business for them, I just envied their determination and struggle to reach out to the international market. I hope that Filipinos will do the same too. I'm really amazed of what they've got to offer for now, for me it's not crap it's crazy because I believe nobody see this coming. So, if they can do it, then why can't we?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

OMG na naman...

yesterday we had this talk... ganito 'yon, dapat may session kami ngayon, ang usapan dapat mga 3pm or 4pm andun na, so, ok na ang lahat, napag-usapan na, ok, ok daw, pwede daw ngayon, pupunta daw ngayon, but until now I haven't heard my phone beep or something.. what the heck! they can't screw this up, i'm totally pissed off right now pero ok pa kasi lunchtime pa naman may dalawang (2) oras pang natitira para kontakin nila ako.. tsk. ayokong mgmura kasi pissed off na nga ako magmumura pa... kelangan nila akong kontakin kasi parang tinatamad na din ako dahil sa pg babalewala nila, wag lang talaga silang mgtx na hindi sila pupunta kasi hindi ko talaga sila kakausapan ng mga isang buwan, oops! isang linggo nalang pala... asar ako, i'm stuck to these 4 walls with tv on my front and i'm stuck talking about my disappoints in this page.. what a relief!

ayoko ng ganito kasi napapaisip ako ng sobra sobra, lahat ng flashbacks sa buhay ko naiisip ko which I totally hate, kasalanan nila to sana kung ngparamdam na sila eh busy na ako sa pagpprepare ngayon.. hay.. sarap patayin ng cellphone ko para makaganti naman kahit konti lang.. kaya habang nghihintay, tangina talaga! nag-mumulti tasking ako ngayon, nood tv, wala namang kwenta mga palabas puro rewind, ewan ko ba bakit ganito mga shows sa cable halos lahat rewinded for a week, argg... ngsusulat din ako ngayon obviously at nglalaro ng poker, 

malas pa laging talo pero sa pic na yan panalo kaya yan pinost ko xmpre..haha.., ewan ko ba wala akong mgawa ngayon... kaya please lang sana tumunog na cellphone ko.. oops! nakasilent pala xa. hay... at habang sinusulat ko ito alam yata nila na asar na ako kaya at exactly 1pm narecib ko na din ang tx ni thal at ni aneng buti nalang kasi balak ko na sanang mgwelga at mgpatay ng cp.. pano yan, kelangan ko ng bumangon.. at simulan ang araw ko.. long way to go pipz... 

*haaaaayyyy.... i'm back para lang e-edit ang post na to... grrr.. sabi na nga ba may feeling talaga akong di kami matutuloy, ok na si thal tsaka si aneng tapos may humabol pa ng tx na blah blah blah.... hay.. arg.. asar nko nawalan nako ng gana tanginga talaga.. lalashengin ko nalang sarili ko.. salamat sa inyo at naasar ako.. hay... 

*what the fuck this the busiest post i ever had.. nakakainis, kung hindi lang dahil kay aneng na may lakad ngaun pero kinansel nya para lang sa session namin di na talaga sana ako babangon... grrr.... siguro mawawala din sa ligo to.. gudluck saming lahat.. sana sumaya kami.. tsk.. suuuccckkeeerrrr.....

russ d'great

10 common language errors.. english by the way...

Because English is such a complex language, it is fraught with traps that we all frequently fall into. With this list I hope to clear up at least a few of the confusing words we use every day. This is a list of some of the more common errors people make with English.

1. Practice / Practise
In US English, practice is used as either a verb (doing word), or noun (naming word). Hence, a doctor has a practice, and a person practices the violin. In UK english, practice is a noun, and practise is a verb. A doctor has a practice, but his daughter practises the piano.

2. Bought / Brought
Bought relates to buying something. Brought relates to bringing something. For example, I bought a bottle of wine which had been brought over from France. The easy way to remember which is which is that bring start with ‘br’ and brought also does. Buy and bought start with ‘b’ only. This is one of those difficult ones that a spelling checker won’t catch.

3. Your / You’re
Your means “belonging to you”. You’re means “you are”. The simplest way to work out the correct one to use is to read out your sentence. For example, if you say “you’re jeans look nice” expand the apostrophe. The expanded sentence would read “you are jeans look nice” – obviously nonsensical. Remember, in English, the apostrophe often denotes an abbreviation.

4. Its / It’s
As in the case above, the apostrophe denotes an abbreviation: it’s = it is. Its means “belongs to it”. The confusion arises here because we also use an apostrophe in English to denote possession – except in this case; if you want to say “the cat’s bag” you say “its bag” not “it’s bag”. “It’s” always means “it is” or “it has”. “It’s a hot day.” “it’s been fun seeing you.”

5. Two / To / Too
With a ‘w’ it means the number 2. With one ‘o’ it refers to direction: ‘to France’. With two ‘o’s it means “also” or refers to quantity – for example: “There is too much money”. A good way to remember this one is that too has two ‘o’s – ie, it has more ‘o’s than ‘to’ – therefore it refers to quantity.

6. Desert / Dessert
This is a confusing one because in English an ‘s’ on its own is frequently pronounced like a ‘z’ and two ‘s’s are usually pronounced as a n ‘s’ (for example: prise, prissy). In this case, desert follow the rule – it means a large stretch of sand. However, dessert is pronounced “dez-urt” with the emphasis on the second syllable – ie, something we eat as part of our meal. To make matters worse, when a person leaves the army without permission, it is spelt desert. So, let’s sum up:
desert (pronounced dez’-it): dry land
desert (pronounced dez-urt’): abandon
dessert (pronounced dez-urt’): yum yum! – remember, two ‘s’s because you want second helpings!
Oh – one more thing – another very common mistake is using the word dessert (two ‘s’s) to mean pudding – pudding is a sweet course, often consisting of some kind of cake or icecream. Dessert is fruit or cheese – normally taken after the pudding course.

7. Dryer / Drier
If your clothes are wet, put them in a clothes dryer. That will make them drier. A hair dryer also makes hair drier.

8. Chose / Choose
This is actually quite an easy one to remember – in English we generally pronounce ‘oo’ as it is written – such as “moo”. The same rule applies here: choose is pronounced as it is written (with a ‘z’ sound for the ‘s’) – and chose is said like “nose”. Therefore, if you had to choose to visit Timbuktu, chances are you chose to fly there. Chose is the past tense, choose is the present tense.

9. Lose / Loose
This one is confusing. In this case, contrary to normal rules of English, the single ‘s’ in loose is pronounced like an ‘s’ – as in wearing trousers that are too loose. Lose on the other hand, relates to loss – for example: “I hope we don’t lose this game”. A good way to remember this is that in the word “lose” you have lost the second ‘o’ from loose. If you can’t remember a rule that simple, you are a loser!

10. Literally
This one is not only often used in error, it is incredibly annoying when it is used in the wrong way. Literally means “it really happened” – therefore, unless you live on a parallel universe with different rules of physics, you can not say “he literally flew out the door”. Saying someone “flew out the door” is speaking figuratively – you could say “he figuratively flew out the door” but figuratively is generally implied when you describe something impossible. Literally can only be used in the case of facts – for example: he literally exploded after swallowing the grenade. If he did, indeed, swallow the grenade and explode – that last sentence is perfectly correct. It would not be correct to say “she annoyed him and he literally exploded” unless she is Wonder Woman and her anger can cause people to blow up.

Bonus 1: I could care less
I have to add this one as a bonus because it is one I especially hate. When you say “I could care less” you are saying “I care a little so I could care less”. Most people when using this horrific sentence mean to say “I couldn’t care less” which means “I care so little I could not care less”.

Bonus 2: Ironic
Isn’t it ironic? Actually, no, most of the time it is not. Irony, in its true form, is when you state something to a person who does not understand what you truly mean, but another person does. Essentially, it makes the hearer the brunt of the joke without their being aware of it. This is called dramatic or tragic irony because it originated on the stage where the audience knew what was happening but the victim on stage did not. The most sustained example of dramatic irony is undoubtedly Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, in which Oedipus searches to find the murderer of the former king of Thebes, only to discover that it is himself, a fact the audience has known all along.

Another form of irony is Socratic irony, in which the person pretends to be ignorant of a subject in order to truly show the ignorance of the person with whom he is arguing.

Unfortunately, poor Alanis Morissette had no clue when she said “it’s a free ride when you’ve already paid” or “it’s like rain on your wedding day”. This is not irony – it is misfortune or coincidence.
To sum it up, basically Irony is a figure of speech in which what is stated is not what is meant. Sarcasm can be a type of Irony.

russ'd great, 

true love waits...

I don't believe in destiny, I believe in God's will. Why? Because for me it doesn't mean that when you're compatible with each other, you're meant for each other, you're meant to be together. Perhaps, you may start asking yourself about romantic relationships and you wonder if it is really true love. We heard so many breakups already, with all the various stories, distressing call-offs and crying moments. Sound so absurd, but for me I believe it is just normal.

Heart’s are breakable. Expect that it will be like a broken glass that you will be having a very hard time mending every broken pieces. Geez... whatever it is when it comes to heart matters, it is definitely incomparable.When it comes to that, everything will be so peculiar.I remember about Joshua Harris' statement in the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" which really strikes me a lot. "Why shop, if you will never buy?" Yes exactly try to think about it, we dont'buy a dress and don't wear it, or we don't buy a cell phone and not use it, right? Same asstrue as "What's the purpose of entering into a relationship when you're not yet ready to get married?" Though I;m not talking about getting married here or the so - called "going steady"I'm referring to the romantic relationship which many of the young people engage nowadays.And I'm not excluded to that, of course as young as I am I also would want to experience the giggling sensation and the cloud nine moments. Well, what can I say, curiosity is all part of growing up.

I've been in an eight-month relationship before, I started dating at the age of 18 and at that age ,it is quite surprising for a young girl who enter into a serious relationship already. I really thought it was already true love but I was completely wrong. It was then I realized that I was just caught up into the game of love. So bad I lost it. I felt like a moron and stupid that time.Then I started asking myself what's with the pain? It was all part of life's journey, a very unforgettable experience that made me a better person. But now, every time I thought about it, i just laugh at it.When it comes to dating relationship it is really interesting and captivating. We just need to wait, it's cliche but "patience is a virtue."

Patience... Quite broad right? But let me give you an illustration. All of us long to give ourselves completely to someone who will love us for who we are. But are we really sure if that person will really be the person that we will going to face during our "I DO’s"? I will be very hypocrite if I say yes, perhaps a lot of us right now are very much eager to have a relationship right now and wished that he or she might be the perfect one. We are used of the pattern of the dating relationship, the so called "trial and error" or the common one "collect and select", what a waste of time isn't it? We might miss God's perfect love story and missed the one He has prepared for us, or we might regret it one day.

WE MUST WAIT. Though somehow easier said that done right? I once ask, myself why should I wait when I know that the feeling is right? I may have a point there but feelings and commitment is different. I'm not going to marry a person whom I only have feelings with or I want to marry that person because we are compatible with each other and we've been together for a very long time. What are the bases? Love cannot be measured on the compatibility of each party or the years they've been through. Love is patient, love is always willing to wait.

When? When? When? right time is God's perfect time, because in His time, everything is beautiful, everything is perfect and beyond compare. 

When? It is when we are ready to face certain responsibility, because true love is not all about giggles and cloud nine and true love is not all about holding hands and hugs,but it is all about patience, selflessness and commitment. WAITING TIME is NEVER WASTED TIME,because when you wait, God will really bring him or her in your dream wedding and say "here is the one I have created just for you..." But it can only happen if you wait and pray, because as God's promise if you will delight yourself to Him, He will give you the desires of your heart, and God never promise and can't keept it. If two people are meant to be together despite distance and time, TRUE LOVE WAITS forever by God's will...

***
Forgive me for some grammatical errors . If you have noticed one just inform me coz it’s kinda late now and i’m so sleepy already.. hehe.. thanks for the read...

Russ d’great

Thursday, January 20, 2011

these songs are on my playlist...

for the past sixth months, so let's start from august last year, i was hooked up with this text frenzy, i've known him from my school days, but i wasn't captured with what i've seen that time. it was just very amazing that through this very own social network, like facebook so to speak we became connected and to my amusement he was kind of charming in his own way and he was a huge fan of alternative songs, he knows how to play the guitar and there were even times that he sang to me over the phone.. and to my pleasure talking to him and spending text nights with him was worth it and even if he's different now, the songs he sang and recommended to me are still running in my head, it sucks but i'm enjoying the songs anyway so for now i guess i will not yet change my playlist.. as far as i can remember here are the songs...


@i remember that day when my wallet was lost and i went to this bar at taft ave near gil puyat LRT station, that was the very worst day of my life and i was telling him blah blah blah... then when i called him, i didn't got an answer but i got a song, he said it was accidental but the song gave me some relief, he's a person who knows his way in..and i salute him for that.. 


@very very dramatic song, it's like a song for the lonely, but it's a great song, and this was the first song i heard from him that sounded clear.. so cooL..


@this song, he knew that i wanted to hear him sing everytime and one day when he got home he just said that he found some old lyrics somewhere in their house and asked if i wanna hear it and of course i immediately said yes.. this was the song.. cheesy coz i don't like john lloyd but maybe he remembered someone with this song, even if i know he's hurt na naman that time coz he's a kind of person who dwells in his loneliness but i enjoyed the song..


@this song was totally awesome, i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it from him, i become cheesier and cheesier here but i'm telling the truth here and nothing but the truth, though the message of this song was kind of sad but the tunes kind of catchy and it's nice..


@he loves this song, every song he loves, he shared it with me till now but not often anymore, i was hesitant to check this song coz the band name kind of reminded me of someone but nonetheless the song is cool so it worth listening..


@he recommended this song to me, i love this song and as far as i know he also love this song very much, i dunno maybe because of the lyrics, it's kinda sad, it's about betrayal, and finding out that after being together you just realized that you're not meant for each other, it's a sad song but i enjoy the melody, the tune.. it relieves my stress..


@but with all that sad songs above, i mean with all that sad lyrics with the songs above, here's a very sweet song that he liked very much.. please let me be the one who calls you baby all the time..


@and for the closing part, i'm including this song for your satisfaction, this song reminds me of my childhood, back then i just thought this song was very good, very cool but now for me this song is the saddest heartbreak song, why do you love this? please be happy... that's what i'm asking.. you can do better, you can strive for the better..

it's just fun remembering those happy moments rather than being bitter with what's left.. honestly for those people who knows me, this wasn't easy, this wasn't me but i'm trying to get out from my comfort zone for you to realize that somebody cares, even if you think it's only me but at least somebody cares and just by knowing it, isn't life worth living?

thanks for the read you guyz..

russ d'great

Saturday, January 15, 2011

it's time to say goodbye...

The end of any relationship is difficult, whether you've spent years together or just a few months. Love isn't put to rest overnight and can linger long after you've said goodbye. Some experts say it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to process it and move on. Others say grief holds itself unaccountable and to no specific timetable, that it can go on for months and years. Rather than the duration of your time spent with each other, it is the quality, the intensity, of this time that will dictate the length and breadth of grief. A few shorts weeks with a woman/man you felt a true connection with might be much harder to get over than a woman/man you liked and were with for years, but never quite meshed with. Both relationships might've been viable at one time, yet both led to the same place anyway - saying goodbye. And it is in the parting (yes, parting is such sweet sorrow. Or, sometimes, parting is such sweet relief!) where you can begin again. Except of course if you aren't really ready to say goodbye.

Breakups can be brutal, on both sides. Usually, because of a shared history and strong emotional connections, the one leaving doesn't want to hurt the one being left, and the one being left doesn't want to be let go. Those early, pure feelings of desire, which brought you two together, become tangled up in ego, in resentment and pride and the need for self-protection. You close up and off. You turn away from what you admired and respected in the other, because it's just too damn painful to see it and know that it wasn't enough, that in the end you just "weren't feeling it."

If you are the one leaving, be kind. Make the end as clean and clear as possible. Or, as a good friend of mine says, "Be sure to use a sharpened machete, not a rusty butter knife." If you cut it off, make sure that it stays off. There's nothing worse than a wishy-washy breakup. If this is what you really want, then be strong in your convictions, because the other will go on hoping against hope that you'll eventually wake up and change your mind, that you'll see what you're missing and come back around. Sometimes, you will, only to leave again. Sometimes, you won't, and regret it.

If you are the one being left, be kind to yourself. Everyone will tell you not to take it personally and you shouldn't. Try to separate your wounded ego from the reality of the situation - that for whatever reason, this other person simply didn't want what you wanted at the exact same time. I hate to reduce good, productive relationships down to timing, but more often than not and base on experience, timing is all we really have to go on. If he wasn't in the right place in his life, there's nothing you could've done to change that. Patience might win out in the end, but then again, so does resentment. You can only wait around so long for someone to get his act together before you realize that "getting his act together" is just an act and that you deserve far more than this.

Do not make someone a priority, if he only makes you an option. And that goes for the grief you will feel as well. Try to contain it. Let it preoccupy you less and less each day. Give it a few minutes and stick to those minutes. Remove messages, make a new playlist in your ipod, mp3 player if you're on track of his or her  songs, avoid tv shows that reminds you of some sweet memories you've shared, any object that reminds you of him or her. At least for now. Later, much later, you might look back fondly on what was, but right now, you've got to let go of what isn't. If it's a nice day, go fly a kite, take a walk on the beach, look at some art, drink with some friends, have a life, party a little. Find what makes you happy again, because that's who she/he fell in love with to begin with. And that's who you are anyway, even if you can't see yourself clearly through the tears. But you will. You will. 

it's hard to say goodbye...seriously.. :'(

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Ten Reasons to go to Work Naked!

10.) No one ever steals your chair.
9.) Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8.) Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7.) People stop stealing your pens after they''ve seen where you keep them.
6.) You want to see if it''s like the dream.
5.) You could easily hold 2 cups of coffee and a "Dozen" doughnuts.
4.) "I''d love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3.) Inventive way to finally meet that ''special'' person in Human Resources.
2.) Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
And... drum roll... the Number One reason to go to work naked!!!!!!!!
1.) Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

direct from my inverted mind..peace!