Saturday, February 27, 2016

The Error of Parallax

The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then. 

I can't stand listening to this music when I type this. I am not typing, I am shouting at you! But the rules of conduct and playing the game means I can't do that. Tables are turned now. I can't even say anything. In a last effort to save some face I can't even sms. I wish I could take some of them back before.

You've made a fool of me, just as I am sure you've done many times before with many girls. Undeserving! I replayed it on my mind and I can't understand why? I suppose this is a frequently asked question but it's not one I am used to asking. Am I not enough? 

I checked my mail constantly. I knew I shouldn't and I felt even more defeated with every empty inbox. You did nothing. You didn't do anything. I didn't understand? If you didn't do what you do, I would be enough. But because of this world and you in it, I am not enough. I didn't understand.

I never hated you, though I was blindingly angry with you for a time.

I'm not angry with you any longer, though you were judgmental and cruel in ways which were crystalline in their ingenuity. I can't even imagine how you've lived through the years after you abandoned me and said that you no longer loved me.

Because of that, the years we've spent happily together just banished together with those good memories we made. Then I stopped wishing that I could spend any more time with you. It also stopped me from thinking that you're a kind person because I felt that you've been terribly unkind to me.

But. I still love you, yes I do, not the same way as before but I know I can't hate you forever. This love will always remain in my heart in spite of all of that heartaches you gave me. But you're wrong, you know  when you said that "love is not 'only a two-way street', otherwise it isn't love." Because I'm all alone here on this infinite one-way street but I know what I feel.

Thanks for that liberating talk we had. 

-russ d'great-


tet said...

he had a million ways to hurt me but his indifference cut to the core... then later i realized i gave him too much power to hurt me but i could have that power back and i took it.

Anonymous said...

this is so true, especially when he doesn't seem to care anymore, when he doesn't need me or my love

georgedubya said...

i gawked for a moment just now.

G said...

"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate." -Gregory House, HOUSE M.D.

Anonymous said...

Never forget that I loved you more than you could have ever imagined. Words, even actions, were insufficient to show you my love for you.

I'm sorry things turned out to be this way.

Trish said...

i was looking for this..

Nick said...

God. I hate the fact that this is true.
Dear Ex,

To be honest, I still love you.
And I hate the fact that I do. :(

chuck said...

To my beloved Ex Gf!
The more I think about everything. Try to convince myself that I hate you, and remember all the things you did - I cant help but love you more because I realise that they were reasons I fell in love with you in the first place.

littlefriend said...

Yeah the worst is when they don't hate you back, they just don't care...

Low said...

I can never hate him, just what he's done :(

Anonymous said...

To the person who hurt me:

I can't really hate you. No matter what you do and how much you hurt me, I still feel the urge to protect you.