conflict and communication....

...the absence of conflict doesn't equal good communication...

In their book LOVE THAT LASTS, Gary and Betsy Rucucci share

ten tips for communication that can help you when you're expe-

riencing conflict in your relationship...

1. Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly, but

without accusing or attacking the othe person (Proverbs 11:9)

2. Choose words, expressions, and a tone of voice that are kind

and gentle. Don't use speech that could easily offend or spark

an argument. (Proverbs 15:1)

3. Dont' exaggerate, distort, or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme

words like never and always (Ephesians 4:25)

4. Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes

before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.

5. Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your

grievances. Getting even isn't the goal - you want to get things

resolved. (Romans 12:17-21)

6. Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling and needing.

Try to detect his or her underlying concerns (James 1:19)

7.Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal, or argument.

Though these emotions are normal, indulging them is sin

(Ephesians 4:26)

8.Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick

to forgive the other person. Make sure you don't hold a grudge.

(Luke17:3-4)

9. Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you

both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. En-

courage each other as you press toward a solution (Romans14:19)

10. Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at

the right time in the right way for the right reasons!

Remember, conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. And don't be

surprised if you experience it. It's a sign that you're really getting

to know each other. Don't run from it; instead, ask for God's help

to humbly and lovingly resolve it..