The Night and The Return To Green

♪♫Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too.

So I stayed in the darkness with you...♪♫

Oh, shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but you still choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad.

The blackest night will fall and I will be gone like the sun. But in the darkness, you will find something more important than me, more important than the moon and the stars. You will find yourself, deep in that ink.

The sky will lift you up like the moon, to bring light to a landscape starved of it. Then I will chase you and you will chase me, in the hope that one day we will find each other again.

So you might as well smile while you’re here.

Because when that day comes, it's either we will cast our light or we’ll stay in the darkness, together…

-Russ

The Waiting Room: Telling of Something Beautiful

Wait. But don't wait too long. Work hard. But don't forget how to play. Sing loudly. But don't learn all the words. Wonder. But not so much that you lose yourself. Read magazines. But read more books.

Love.

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That, that doesn’t make any of it any less real. 

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. 

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead. 

That you control that completely. 

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music. 

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends. 

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living. 

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. 

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

-Russ

The Silly Things I Need To Hear

Sometimes people you like, won’t like you.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes, everyone around you will talk about all the incredibly cool things they’re busy doing and you will have very little to talk about yourself.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes you’ll wake up and you’ll just be sore for no real reason.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes you won’t know what to do and people would say “I’d kill to have your problems!” and that won’t magically and suddenly stop them from being problems.

That’s Ok.

Sometimes, I’m saying it to you because I hope that one day; you’ll be able to say it to me.

That’s Ok.

-Russ

Pursue, Not Pedestalize

This is one of my favorite scenes in the series. During Seaon 1 Episode 6, Claire visits her and Francis' former secret service bodyguard who is dying of cancer and receives a deathbed profession of love.

Bodyguard Steve: I hate your husband.

Claire Underwood: A lot of people hate my husband.

Bodyguard Steve: For the past 8 years, I watched over him but it wasn't him I was watching. Jesus what I would give. . . 

Claire Underwood: You know what Francis said to me when he proposed, I remember his exact words. He said, 

"Claire, if all you want is happiness, say no. I'm not going to give a couple of kids, and count the days until retirement. I promise you freedom from that. I promise you'll never be bored." 

"You know he was the only man, and there were a lot of others who proposed, he was the only one who understood me. He didn't put me on some pedestal.

He knew I didn't want to be adore or coddled, so he took my hand and put on a ring on it because he knew I'd say yes. He's a man who knows how to take what he wants. You told me your truth and now you know mine."

At that point, she does something that solidifies her bid for entry into the Alpha female hall of fame. Francis and Claire are THE power couple. Women don't want to be pedestalized. 

Pedestalization is objectification. And elevating someone's status inappropriately is idolatry. Claire didn't want to be another man's idol. That's the temptation of the male heart - to make women an idol

Francis was looking for a partner to pursue his plan of world White House domination and he found what he was looking for.

LORD, help me live fully in this kind of courage and conviction.

-Russ

The Error of Parallax

The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then. 

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I can't stand listening to this music when I type this. I am not typing, I am shouting at you! But the rules of conduct and playing the game means I can't do that. Tables are turned now. I can't even say anything. In a last effort to save some face I can't even sms. I wish I could take some of them back before.

You've made a fool of me, just as I am sure you've done many times before with many girls. Undeserving! I replayed it on my mind and I can't understand why? I suppose this is a frequently asked question but it's not one I am used to asking. Am I not enough? 

I checked my mail constantly. I knew I shouldn't and I felt even more defeated with every empty inbox. You did nothing. You didn't do anything. I didn't understand? If you didn't do what you do, I would be enough. But because of this world and you in it, I am not enough. I didn't understand.

I never hated you, though I was blindingly angry with you for a time.

I'm not angry with you any longer, though you were judgmental and cruel in ways which were crystalline in their ingenuity. I can't even imagine how you've lived through the years after you abandoned me and said that you no longer loved me.

Because of that, the years we've spent happily together just banished together with those good memories we made. Then I stopped wishing that I could spend any more time with you. It also stopped me from thinking that you're a kind person because I felt that you've been terribly unkind to me.

But. I still love you, yes I do, not the same way as before but I know I can't hate you forever. This love will always remain in my heart in spite of all of that heartaches you gave me. But you're wrong, you know  when you said that "love is not 'only a two-way street', otherwise it isn't love." Because I'm all alone here on this infinite one-way street but I know what I feel.

Thanks for that liberating talk we had. 

-russ d'great-

Baliwan 101

Sa pagiging distress lagi sa buhay, minsan na e'inspire tuloy ako na sana maging baliw na lang. Feeling ko kasi wala na silang feelings, tila wala na rin silang kapagoran kakalakad kahit saan, parang hindi na rin sila na gugutom---at kung gutom man unli naman pagkain nila sa daan...weeeheee... =)

Bilib rin ako sa confidence nila. Wala silang pakialam anuman sabihin ng mga tao sa kanila, wala silang pakialam sa pamatay amoy nila, sa damit nila, sa buhok, sa paa, sa langaw, sa dumi, sa matraffic na daan, sa lubak na kalsada, global warming, baha, mahal na bill ng kuryente, internet, cell phone load, bigas, leptospirosis, kung corrupt nga ba si binay, kung mananalo nga ba si duterte, kung bakit may FB at IG na, o sa 1D kung nagkawatak-watak man sila....Ang sa kanila lang----ay ewan ko ba...

Sa tingin ko ang lakas rin ng immune system nila-----kasi kahit palaboy-laboy sila sa daan---under the sun at biglaang ulan-----never ko pa silang napansing umuubo o nagkasipon man lang... O diba? para silang mga zombie...pero di lang nanganga-in ng tao---nambabato lang, nangdudura, nangangaway, nanghihingi, at kung anu-ano pa...Pero bilib rin ako sa mga normal na tao dahil okay lang din sa kanila---kumbaga normal lang sa kanila....O dibah? gusto ko na talaga maging baliw.....wala rin kasi silang pakialam sa mundo....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!!!

Sabi nga ni Paulo Coelho sa librong sinulat nya "If one day I could get out of here, I would allow myself to be crazy. Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to.” 

Di ko masyado matranslate pero isa lang ibig sabihin nyan na baliw man sila eh normal din sila sa sarili nilang mundo..mas ok na yun kaysa maging pabigat ka o pasaway ka sa gobyerno at wala kang naitulong sa ekonomiya. Charot! 

baliw na rin siguro ako sa ka-iisip nito...hehehe 

salamat sa pagdaan,

russ d'great

Veronika Decides To Die: A Short Rundown

As a fan of Paulo Coelho’s much-celebrated and classic book, The Alchemist, I stumbled upon Veronika Decides to Die through a  good friend's recommendation and was intrigued by the topic of the book and the major questions it asks about life and death. 

Inspired by events from his past, Coelho tells the story of Veronika, who seems to have everything in life that most people would envy and consider fulfilling, but who nonetheless feels dissatisfied and makes a decision to end her life by overdosing on sleeping pills.

Veronika, who attempts suicide, fails, is institutionalized, and is informed that her attempted suicide damaged her heart and she has only five days to live. In the hospital she has to come to grips with what it means to be dying, but also what it means to be insane.

“Decides” is the key word in the title of this book: Coelho weaves his storytelling around the major, life-altering decisions that the central characters—the protagonist and those with whom she interacts in the mental hospital—must ponder when they learn of her imminent death. 

With her days numbered, Veronika goes on a journey of self-discovery that makes her contemplate her original reasons for wanting to die as well as the meaning of life as a whole. 

Readers join Veronika in her self-discovery quest by inquiring what they themselves would do if they were to learn that the ends of their lives were happening in a matter of days, rather than in the several years ahead, which many people hope for.

In the end Veronika finds that she is truly free. She seems to have everything at the beginning of the story: a job, boyfriends, and popularity. However, they're those things that enslave her, and that’s what leads to the attempted suicide. 

In a way, Veronika is doubly freed. She is free because she is dying, and what can one do to a dying person. Second, she has been labeled crazy, and, having such a label, people expect her to act oddly. She has the freedom to do those things she has been too frightened to do all her life.

Thoughts About The Author 

Veronika Decides to Die made me fall in love even more with Coelho’s writing style, because he seamlessly introduces to the reader a vast expanse of topics revolving around spirituality and psychology. The writing resembles that of a teacher who gently instructs his students without acting like a pretentious know-it-all trying to force people to believe everything he teaches.

It offers food for thought rather than preachy absolute truths. As readers are engrossed in an engaging story that keeps them asking, “What will Veronika (and others) decide next?”, Coelho is a master at allowing his audience to absorb any new information without making them feel dumb for never having thought of or known about it before.

This book is not something to read once and then completely forget. It is meant to be one of those books in which the topics on psychology and spirituality make you want to do more research and reading in order to understand better the concepts being questioned.

Also, the events and characters in this book are bound to linger in readers’ thoughts well after the book is finished, simply because it will make them wonder about the exact meanings of their own lives, especially if the ends of their lives were happening a lot sooner than they expected. 

I’d recommend this book. It’s short, readable, and offers clear food for thought.

thanks for reading,

russ d'great