life's lessons on relationships

I guess we all have our different opinions on how things should be. Whether it is to have someone be honest in a relationship or to work hard in a relationship. No matter what you do people have that view of how relationship will work, however, some can change their opinions. How is that? When two people truly want a relationship to work don't they first have to work at it? We have all been told that communication is the key to a relationship but why do people always find it hard to communicate? We think that we know a person but then they flip a 180 and completely shut you down. 

1) Never ever think a long distance relationship will work. The problem is that when you are so far apart from one another it may build distrust or eventually have one or the other people cheat on you. If you already know the person then it should be fine (usually) for a short period of time.  

2) Communication is really the important factor for a relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't communicate with you then you need to find someone that can. We can't read minds so it has to be out on the table otherwise the other person won't know what's wrong. Be especially aware if someone won't communicate with you what they have in the past. This is perhaps the largest red flag to an eventually break-up. Be mindful that if the other party waits too long or flat out doesn't want to talk about it then they don't really want to be with you anymore. Again COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY.

3) Compromise is the 2nd most important thing. We all think that we have the best way of doing things but that is our own perception, our own reality if you will. This will always conflict with someone else's take on reality. You have to try and compromise to make things work otherwise their is no future but arguing and bickering. 

4)Working through problems. In a relationship you need to work on the problems. If either party doesn't want to work on the problem at hand then the relationship is over. Don't over think he problems though and discuss them with your partner. A relationship takes two people!! Trying to figure out problems involves both parties. (generally those that try to solve the problems on their own tend break off the relationship because they try things their own way)

5) Look to the future but don't expect it. In other words if the person is truly making strides to fix their life or change themselves a little don't take their progress so far and think of them like that 20 years down the road. People always change but you don't know how. You can't automatically assume someone is going to be immature all of their life (although I've seen it happen)

On a personal note, guys/gals, if you see someone making an effort let them know you appreciate it! If it's something where you aren't going to get serious (marriage) in a couple of years then wait and see. If you truly value the person and love them give them a chance. Remember that a person can't change who they are over night. Also remember that although there are things that you would like the other person to change they will probably want you to change some things too. I know that I have put as much as I can into my relationships but it never seems like it is appreciated. I guess if those people who I have gone out with truly valued our relationship then they could wait for a few changes. 

Second chances are what we only have in life, although sometimes it's easy to say that it would never happen and it will just be a waste but if it does, if gives other people the feeling that they still deserve something good and it gives you the feeling that you did something better to the other person involved.

read and read,

russ d'great