The Error of Parallax

The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't stand listening to this music when I type this. I am not typing, I am shouting at you! But the rules of conduct and playing the game means I can't do that. Tables are turned now. I can't even say anything. In a last effort to save some face I can't even sms. I wish I could take some of them back before.

You've made a fool of me, just as I am sure you've done many times before with many girls. Undeserving! I replayed it on my mind and I can't understand why? I suppose this is a frequently asked question but it's not one I am used to asking. Am I not enough? 

I checked my mail constantly. I knew I shouldn't and I felt even more defeated with every empty inbox. You did nothing. You didn't do anything. I didn't understand? If you didn't do what you do, I would be enough. But because of this world and you in it, I am not enough. I didn't understand.

I never hated you, though I was blindingly angry with you for a time.

I'm not angry with you any longer, though you were judgmental and cruel in ways which were crystalline in their ingenuity. I can't even imagine how you've lived through the years after you abandoned me and said that you no longer loved me.

Because of that, the years we've spent happily together just banished together with those good memories we made. Then I stopped wishing that I could spend any more time with you. It also stopped me from thinking that you're a kind person because I felt that you've been terribly unkind to me.

But. I still love you, yes I do, not the same way as before but I know I can't hate you forever. This love will always remain in my heart in spite of all of that heartaches you gave me. But you're wrong, you know  when you said that "love is not 'only a two-way street', otherwise it isn't love." Because I'm all alone here on this infinite one-way street but I know what I feel.

Thanks for that liberating talk we had. 

-russ d'great-

Baliwan 101

Sa pagiging distress lagi sa buhay, minsan na e'inspire tuloy ako na sana maging baliw na lang. Feeling ko kasi wala na silang feelings, tila wala na rin silang kapagoran kakalakad kahit saan, parang hindi na rin sila na gugutom---at kung gutom man unli naman pagkain nila sa daan...weeeheee... =)

Bilib rin ako sa confidence nila. Wala silang pakialam anuman sabihin ng mga tao sa kanila, wala silang pakialam sa pamatay amoy nila, sa damit nila, sa buhok, sa paa, sa langaw, sa dumi, sa matraffic na daan, sa lubak na kalsada, global warming, baha, mahal na bill ng kuryente, internet, cell phone load, bigas, leptospirosis, kung corrupt nga ba si binay, kung mananalo nga ba si duterte, kung bakit may FB at IG na, o sa 1D kung nagkawatak-watak man sila....Ang sa kanila lang----ay ewan ko ba...

Sa tingin ko ang lakas rin ng immune system nila-----kasi kahit palaboy-laboy sila sa daan---under the sun at biglaang ulan-----never ko pa silang napansing umuubo o nagkasipon man lang... O diba? para silang mga zombie...pero di lang nanganga-in ng tao---nambabato lang, nangdudura, nangangaway, nanghihingi, at kung anu-ano pa...Pero bilib rin ako sa mga normal na tao dahil okay lang din sa kanila---kumbaga normal lang sa kanila....O dibah? gusto ko na talaga maging baliw.....wala rin kasi silang pakialam sa mundo....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!!!

Sabi nga ni Paulo Coelho sa librong sinulat nya "If one day I could get out of here, I would allow myself to be crazy. Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to.” 

Di ko masyado matranslate pero isa lang ibig sabihin nyan na baliw man sila eh normal din sila sa sarili nilang mundo..mas ok na yun kaysa maging pabigat ka o pasaway ka sa gobyerno at wala kang naitulong sa ekonomiya. Charot! 

baliw na rin siguro ako sa ka-iisip nito...hehehe 

salamat sa pagdaan,

russ d'great

Veronika Decides To Die: A Short Rundown

As a fan of Paulo Coelho’s much-celebrated and classic book, The Alchemist, I stumbled upon Veronika Decides to Die through a  good friend's recommendation and was intrigued by the topic of the book and the major questions it asks about life and death. 

Inspired by events from his past, Coelho tells the story of Veronika, who seems to have everything in life that most people would envy and consider fulfilling, but who nonetheless feels dissatisfied and makes a decision to end her life by overdosing on sleeping pills.

Veronika, who attempts suicide, fails, is institutionalized, and is informed that her attempted suicide damaged her heart and she has only five days to live. In the hospital she has to come to grips with what it means to be dying, but also what it means to be insane.

“Decides” is the key word in the title of this book: Coelho weaves his storytelling around the major, life-altering decisions that the central characters—the protagonist and those with whom she interacts in the mental hospital—must ponder when they learn of her imminent death. 

With her days numbered, Veronika goes on a journey of self-discovery that makes her contemplate her original reasons for wanting to die as well as the meaning of life as a whole. 

Readers join Veronika in her self-discovery quest by inquiring what they themselves would do if they were to learn that the ends of their lives were happening in a matter of days, rather than in the several years ahead, which many people hope for.

In the end Veronika finds that she is truly free. She seems to have everything at the beginning of the story: a job, boyfriends, and popularity. However, they're those things that enslave her, and that’s what leads to the attempted suicide. 

In a way, Veronika is doubly freed. She is free because she is dying, and what can one do to a dying person. Second, she has been labeled crazy, and, having such a label, people expect her to act oddly. She has the freedom to do those things she has been too frightened to do all her life.

Thoughts About The Author 

Veronika Decides to Die made me fall in love even more with Coelho’s writing style, because he seamlessly introduces to the reader a vast expanse of topics revolving around spirituality and psychology. The writing resembles that of a teacher who gently instructs his students without acting like a pretentious know-it-all trying to force people to believe everything he teaches.

It offers food for thought rather than preachy absolute truths. As readers are engrossed in an engaging story that keeps them asking, “What will Veronika (and others) decide next?”, Coelho is a master at allowing his audience to absorb any new information without making them feel dumb for never having thought of or known about it before.

This book is not something to read once and then completely forget. It is meant to be one of those books in which the topics on psychology and spirituality make you want to do more research and reading in order to understand better the concepts being questioned.

Also, the events and characters in this book are bound to linger in readers’ thoughts well after the book is finished, simply because it will make them wonder about the exact meanings of their own lives, especially if the ends of their lives were happening a lot sooner than they expected. 

I’d recommend this book. It’s short, readable, and offers clear food for thought.

thanks for reading,

russ d'great

Prose in Motion: To A Friend Whom I Loved In Many Ways

"Finding love is like finding a friend, a person whom you can join in with your weirdness." Matt Haigg, Reasons To Be Alive

I love you with a kind of love that is terrified. Terrified at the thought of losing you. Losing you to the distance that separates. But worst of all, terrified at the thought of losing you as a friend.

I love you with a kind of love that is regretful. Regretful of the words that might escape my mouth. Words that escape in times of anger, words that escape in times of hurt, words that I would not have meant, and yet still did utter.

I love you with a kind of love that is afraid. Afraid for the moments where I will fall short to give you comfort in a way that you can feel. Afraid for the times when I will be incapable of listening and responding in a way that you feel understood.

I love you with a kind of love that is easily angered. Angered at the idea of anyone ever hurting you. Angered at the knowledge that I can do nothing about it. Angered at the fact that sometimes I am the cause of it.

I love you with a kind of love that is proud. Proud of all that you want to accomplish. Proud of how you overcome circumstances day after day, despite how difficult it may be. But mostly, I love you with a kind of love that is proud of simply who you are.

I love you with a kind of love that is anxious. Anxious to when will I ever see your smile and hear your laugh. More often than not, I just am anxious to know how you are, and to know that you are doing all right.

I love you with a kind of love that is full. The kind of love so full that nothing that you can ever say or do will make me care less. A fullness that overflows that even when things are tough, it overpowers the pain.

I love you with a kind of love that is content. Content because I have never felt more joy knowing that you're there ready to listen and piss me off when I'm in my worst mood. 

~thanks for reading
russ d'great

Star Wars: The Force Awakens, A Short Review

Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy and only a rag-tag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of the Resistance.

I’ll start by saying that if you are a Star Wars fan and a bit worried that this film will somehow ruin the legacy of the originals I want to tell you that you have nothing to worry about. This film stayed true to the “Star Wars feel”, the original “Star Wars feel”, and honestly made me fall in love with the franchise all over again.

I was worried that the movie would feel rushed or contain nothing but back story to catch us up on what had happened in the 30 years since Return of the Jedi but those worries were soon put to rest. 

There actually wasn’t much back story given at all but what given was delivered well. I never felt lost or like I was missing something. The plot flowed smoothly and I felt I both understood what was happening and why.

It’s true. All of it. The Dark Side, the Jedi. They’re real.

It was great to see some of the old characters back at it and it was refreshing to see they weren’t just there for gimmicks and nostalgic value, they actually contributed to the plot. The new characters were great too. They felt real and believable in this universe and you felt for them throughout the film.

What I loved most was the emotional roller coaster The Force Awakens stakes you on. The film has it’s happy moments, and some incredibly sad ones too. The film brings up strong sentimental feelings and makes you laugh, a lot! It’s intense and you will want to stand up and cheer with every victory. It wasn’t all light-sabers and stuff blowing up. It was full of feelings.

All-in-all I loved it and if you are debating whether it will be worth it I can tell you the answer is yes! Go see it and let it remind you why so many people are dedicated to this franchise.

There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it? The Dark side, and the Light.

Thanks for reading,

russ d' great

Love plus Dedication

What is the best thing to say after a tough downfall from a romantic relationship? It's the words "I'm ready to love again". Several people might think differently from the way you think but this is more of gathering insights from those who suffer from the misfortunes of a hard break up. 

They say it's tough when you're up on a way thinking that things aren't working anymore but you still want to hold on. Now that's *foolishness*, but you know what's amazing about people when it comes to love? Their hopes are always high and they remain faithful in the belief that loving again isn't that  bad after all.

You may say that most of the relationships are into "the trial and error thingy" but if you haven't yet started a relationship then don't try especially if the only reason is testing its working capacity. It doesn't work that way, remember that it needs discernment and deep realization...

Starting a discussion like this is really tough because people think that love in its own terms is fake nowadays. Break ups and rejections are everywhere and maybe everybody has experienced it already. But hey! you should know that love is the most wonderful thing here on earth. It can hurt you but it's the only sure thing that can make you happy too.

That's why if you don't like your past to haunt you in the future, love unconditionally and love without hesitation. Also, remember that dating/courtship is a way more deeper than that. Yes, you can fix things on your own way, that is if you are already sure in what you have but for those who haven't started yet, think better, think deeper...-------------------------

SMOTHER ME BY THE USED

...and I wanna dedicate this song for someone special, I guess you know who you are... *lol* I didn't say I'm madly in love but I'm very happy that you gave me the chance to get to know you better...

I want you to know that you bring back the joy in my heart and you fill the emptiness inside. You just don't know how happy I am everyday while conversing with you. You brought the sunshine in, turn the dark to day and made my sadness flee away. 

By the time I said I care for you, I really mean it..*smile* my love for you is unconditional because I'm not asking you to love me in return but I know you do because we're friends now and because you tell me even in my dreams. Talking to you is a great relief... Thanks for every gift of smile you pinned in my heart.

------------------------------------

"Falling in love is like looking at the stars...when you pick one out of the billions and stare at it long enough... all the others just simply melt away.."

thanks for reading,

russ d'great

Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist: A Short Review

"When you want something, all the Universe conspires to help you achieve it."

Until today, I haven't read any of Paulo Coelho's books. I don't know why but I'm thankful that  three days ago my brother asked me to buy the book for him because a certain teacher wanted them to read the book. Then my curiosity about it increased when a good friend of mine said that it's a great book to add on my reading list.

I devoured the book for almost 3 hours and after which I know that I will be reading more of his works. The simplicity and wisdom of the book is amazing, adding to it are helpful life lessons that will surely give you positive reasons to wake up happy every morning.

It's a very simple story about a shepherd boy, Santiago who pursue his dreams and meet different people along the way - a gypsy woman, a King, an Englishman and an alchemist who helped him understand his journey in achieving his greatest dream. 

The book teaches the readers simple things about God, life and love - the language of the world. But as you walk along with Santiago's journey you will realize that simple things always comes with a broader truth. You may not see it the first time you look at it but eventually you'll end up realizing that it's been there lying and waiting all along. 

I admire Coelho for writing such a pure and unembellished novel in all its content; a masterpiece that will surely resonate to people with different faiths and beliefs. A simple story that testifies the power of following one's dreams and listening to one's heart.

I can absolutely say that The Alchemist is a must-read and I highly recommend it.

Lessons from The Alchemist (Spoiler Alert!!!)

…and when each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises. -page 27-

There must be a language that doesn’t depend on words… -page 43-

When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. -page 68-

“Everyone has his or her own way of learning things,” he said to himself. “His way is isn’t the same as mine, nor mine as his. But we’re both in search of our Personal Legends, and I respect him for that.” -page 84-

It is said that all people who are happy have God within them. -page 131-

“When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.” -page 134-

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. -page 141-

…when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too. -page 150-

And that’s where the power of love comes in.  Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are. -page 151-

thanks for reading,

russ d'great