The Way To Bleed

You know there are million ways to bleed but you are by far my favorite. I always wish you were here, I am there, I wish it was different.. I wish your wishes come true, I wish wishes do come true. I'd wish you back. You are my favorite scar. I know it's selfish for me to say but please don't leave me. I will do my best to live. I promise.

Prose in Motion: To A Friend Whom I Loved In Many Ways

"Finding love is like finding a friend, a person whom you can join in with your weirdness." Matt Haigg, Reasons To Be Alive

I love you with a kind of love that is terrified. Terrified at the thought of losing you. Losing you to the distance that separates. But worst of all, terrified at the thought of losing you as a friend.

I love you with a kind of love that is regretful. Regretful of the words that might escape my mouth. Words that escape in times of anger, words that escape in times of hurt, words that I would not have meant, and yet still did utter.

I love you with a kind of love that is afraid. Afraid for the moments where I will fall short to give you comfort in a way that you can feel. Afraid for the times when I will be incapable of listening and responding in a way that you feel understood.

I love you with a kind of love that is easily angered. Angered at the idea of anyone ever hurting you. Angered at the knowledge that I can do nothing about it. Angered at the fact that sometimes I am the cause of it.

I love you with a kind of love that is proud. Proud of all that you want to accomplish. Proud of how you overcome circumstances day after day, despite how difficult it may be. But mostly, I love you with a kind of love that is proud of simply who you are.

I love you with a kind of love that is anxious. Anxious to when will I ever see your smile and hear your laugh. More often than not, I just am anxious to know how you are, and to know that you are doing all right.

I love you with a kind of love that is full. The kind of love so full that nothing that you can ever say or do will make me care less. A fullness that overflows that even when things are tough, it overpowers the pain.

I love you with a kind of love that is content. Content because I have never felt more joy knowing that you're there ready to listen and piss me off when I'm in my worst mood. 

~thanks for reading
russ d'great

senti...

mixed up ang araw na to, naalala ko tuloy 'yong kanta ng ataris na the song for a mixed tape.. this is the time that i finally realize that i'm not alone, and i also realized na kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi nya ako maiintindihan and i need to leave him alone to fix whatever it is that he wants to fix... spent my whole night crying over nothing.. hindi ako kumain, gutom nako ngayon, wala lang, di ko alam anong gagawin.. i need to lay low, hindi ko alam, i just care too much for a person na i'm so afraid na pag di ko na sya nkakausap eh malilimutan nya ako, and i'm scared that he'll be alone coz he used to tell me that he's tired of life and his life sucks, kung alam lang nya na pati life ko eh sucker din.. di ko na talaga alam pinagsasabi ko.. 

para sayo parekoy, bai, kulot, a.ka. CHiCO.. para sayo ang mga lyrics na ito.. naiintindihan kita, di mo lang alam, goodbye for now.. alam mo kung pano ako mareach out... 

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"I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you" - my life would suck without you by kelly clarkson

"Stay with me, this is what I need, please?
Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?" - my heart by paramore

"Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling that I'm on my own
Hold me too tight, stay by my side" - smother me by the used

"i've got a tight grip on reality
but i can't let go of what's in front of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up

leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream" - the only exception by paramore

"i was born to tell you i love you" - your call by secondhand serenade

"Hands over my head thinking 'what else could go wrong?'
Would've stayed in bed, how can a day be so long?
Never believed that things happen for a reason
But how this turned out, you moved all my doubts, oh believe
That for you I'll do it all over again
Do it all over again" - again by bruno mars

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kung ang puso ay para lang laruan na pwede e assemble pag nasira ito na siguro ang ginagawa ko ngayon.. there's too much badshit in this world i know, but in the contrary without suffering, there will be no compassion.. ito naman ang lss ko ngaun share ko lang sa inyon lahat..

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away" - broken by seether feat. amy lee (evanescence)

current song: senti by moonstar88

currently feeling: lonely

hanggang dito nalang muna... reassembling atm..

russ 'dgreat

my love letter...

to whom it may concern...

it was a simple fine day when we somewhere, i  haven't even recognize you because it's been so long since i last saw you and mingled with you, actually we don't usually mingle with each other in those years past... i easily get along with fun and senseless people, but obviously with brains too, according to may favorite author "the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" which is true for me.. i feel you're in need of someone it may not be me but i'm sticking around because i want to protect you, to love you, to make you happy without prejudice. for some reason you want a physical evidence that i exist, that i'm truly there, but this is a promise when everything else fails you can count on me and i will be there.. and i want you to believe that goodness dwells in everyone, righteousness is another level but goodness is the common ground, i believe you're a good person and i want you to believe that too, that you can do better things and better things to make it the best. someday you will realize that i'm the only person who will accept you for who you really are, and when that time comes just get back to me and i will still be backing you up coz when a person means a lot to me, it will be forever.. 

be happy, be safe, take care of yourself...

Gb+

russ d'great