Prose in Motion: To A Friend Whom I Loved In Many Ways

"Finding love is like finding a friend, a person whom you can join in with your weirdness." Matt Haigg, Reasons To Be Alive

I love you with a kind of love that is terrified. Terrified at the thought of losing you. Losing you to the distance that separates. But worst of all, terrified at the thought of losing you as a friend.

I love you with a kind of love that is regretful. Regretful of the words that might escape my mouth. Words that escape in times of anger, words that escape in times of hurt, words that I would not have meant, and yet still did utter.

I love you with a kind of love that is afraid. Afraid for the moments where I will fall short to give you comfort in a way that you can feel. Afraid for the times when I will be incapable of listening and responding in a way that you feel understood.

I love you with a kind of love that is easily angered. Angered at the idea of anyone ever hurting you. Angered at the knowledge that I can do nothing about it. Angered at the fact that sometimes I am the cause of it.

I love you with a kind of love that is proud. Proud of all that you want to accomplish. Proud of how you overcome circumstances day after day, despite how difficult it may be. But mostly, I love you with a kind of love that is proud of simply who you are.

I love you with a kind of love that is anxious. Anxious to when will I ever see your smile and hear your laugh. More often than not, I just am anxious to know how you are, and to know that you are doing all right.

I love you with a kind of love that is full. The kind of love so full that nothing that you can ever say or do will make me care less. A fullness that overflows that even when things are tough, it overpowers the pain.

I love you with a kind of love that is content. Content because I have never felt more joy knowing that you're there ready to listen and piss me off when I'm in my worst mood. 

~thanks for reading
russ d'great